Sunday, February 3, 2013

52 Weeks, 52 Race - Race 4 30th Annual FARC NJ Winter Race Series #4

And here I go again on my own.
Going down the only road I've ever known...
...For 5Ks in January...Aside from the one in Tamaques Park...

So maybe Whitesnake did it better the first time around.  It's a catchy little ditty and I can't say I'm much of a song writer.  From my body of work, I can't say I'm much of a writer at all.  I do seem to be adequate at self-publication via the internet and looking at my recent increased volume of work I'm at least becoming consistent.  My 52 Weeks 52 Races goal has definitely given me an easier opportunity to write about a rather boring subject repeatedly.  I can't imagine many folks want to read about some dude running 5Ks rather slowly.  Who wants to read my brief rants regarding a middle aged man with a very passing resemblance to the Hulkster?
Probably my mom and maybe Baconlb...
Whoever is reading out there, I ran another 5K this past Sunday.  It was Race 4 for both me and the FARC NJ Winter Race Series.  It was also a frigid day for both me and the FARC NJ Winter Race Series.  The entire preceding week had been especially frigid starting at the bottom in single digits on Monday and Tuesday.  It eventually worked its way up into double digits and eventually the 20s and 30s.  My office neighbor mentioned we may have gotten acclimated after hitting rock bottom right away and she may have been right.  It was still cold.

Oooh a car thermometer photo!  How original!
Even with the low temperatures, it did feel remarkably bearable during my run in the cold.  I was not one of the brave souls in shorts and a t-shirt or the nut job in cloth shorts and a tank top.  I had googled what to wear while running in the cold.  The internet experts did not recommend either of those outfits.  I got by with my trusty Under Armour spandex (Baconlb calls the bottom leggings, but I disagree), a pair of Nike wind pants and an LL Bean pullover designed to be warm and breathable.
And of course...
Go Indians!
Where would I be without my Waynesboro Indians shirt?  I'd prefer not to know.  Four races down and   I plan on repping the Indians at least 47 more times.
As for the race itself, the location and the course were the exact same as my previous three visits.  

Create Maps or search from 80 million at MapMyRun

The run was the exact same 2.5 laps along the main road and path through the woods in Michael J. Tighe Park.  My time was pretty close to the same as well. A little slower but not unacceptable.  One major difference was the absence of my budding archenemy - The Goober.  Maybe he was sick or busy or unwilling to brave the cold.  Maybe he saw my blog posts and his feelings were hurt.  Whatever it was, he was not there to beat me on Sunday.  He was not there to answer the bell so I am going to count this one as a draw in the score books.  Showing up is at least one requirement for winning, but I refuse to accept a forfeit.  I'll have to wait for another day to beat him. 

You need to be afraid, Goober.
Despite the frigid cold, monotonous locale and course, and the lack of Goober I'm finished with 4 races.  I'm one-thirteenth of the way to 52 races.  Only 48 more to go!

Sunday, January 27, 2013

52 Weeks, 52 Races - Race 3: 30th Annual FARC Winter Race Series 5K #3

This is becoming a common sight on Sunday mornings in 2013.
Go Indians!
My Waynesboro Football shirt soaked in sweat with a racing bib pinned to the front of it.  This photo was after Race 3 of 52: FARC NJ Winter Race Series #3.  I ran the first race but missed the second one because I overslept. 


Let me tell you, the Turning Point is definitely worth missing a 5K or two.  I had the Big Easy Benny - Eggs Benedict with a spicy New Orleans twist over cornbread instead of an English Muffin.  It's probably the exact opposite of a 5K or any other kind of physical activity.  If you need a delicious breakfast in New Jersey, you should visit one of the Turning Point's multiple locations.  I just wouldn't make a habit of it or you'll weight 300 lbs.  

With that thought, back to running...

PoMiFoS Race 3 got bumped back a week  from  FARC NJ Winter Race Series #2 to FARC NJ Winter Race Series #3.  The day of Race 3 was a beautiful, warm and sunny January day with a high in the 50s.  It was the nicest day of the year and the run was much more crowded than the previous race I attended.  And resplendent in a bright, yellow t-shirt was the man quickly becoming my nemesis...  
Say your prayers and take your vitamins!
And the race was on...
And that son of a bitch beat me again!  He was definitely having an off day because I swear to God I saw him walk at one point but he was not off enough for me to beat him.  This 'rivalry' is becoming decidedly one-sided.  Maybe he is saying his prayers and taking his vitamins better than me.  Maybe I'm just slow.  Whatever the cause, he's beaten me all 3 runs this year.
At least I have 3 done!
I only have 49 to go!
Sunday will be frigid...
Race 4 may be much more difficult...

Sunday, January 20, 2013

52 Weeks, 52 Races - Race 2: 30th Annual FARC Winter Race Series 5K #1

Oooh, look kids, a blog named Pics of Me in Front of Stuff without pictures of the author in front of anything.

But I am glad you're here since I let my doman name lapse and now picsofmeinfrontofstuff.com is some kind of adult website.  I could purchase the domain name again...for $69...

My blogging problems aside, I did manage to squeeze a second race out of my busy social calendar and  tired feet.  The Freehold Area Running Club (FARC) sponsors the Winter Race Series 5K in Michael J. Tighe Park the first 5 weeks of the year.  


View Larger Map
I was impressed it was the 30th annual such series.  Interesting fact: FARC is also a Colombian Marxist-Leninist revolutionary guerilla organization.  The Freehold FARC is a much less politically extreme group.  Given Freehold FARC Winter Race Series 5K's regularity (weekly), vicinity (30 minute drive), relatively late start time (10 AM) and low price ($5) the pros greatly outweighed the cons (lack of t-shirt).  January 6th was also significantly improved over January 1st because there I was not suffering from nausea, cold sweats, or headaches from any NYE festivities.   The race itself was rather ordinary, just 2 loops of varying length around the park.  I assumed most of the runners were members of the club or fellow New Years Resolutioners.  There was one other participant from the Hangover 5K.  He was easy to pick out because the best description for him I could use was a loud goober.  Think long blonde hair, thinning on top with a blonde mustache (think natural blonde, unathletic Hulk Hogan) speaking in a manner I associate with Lenny from Of Mice and Men and the Abominable Snowman from Looney Tunes.  


I'm going to run a 5K, George.  I'm going to run it and finish it and drink some Gatorade at the end, George.

Baconlb and I had both noticed him at the Hangover 5K and I texted her immediately upon arrival at Michael J. Tighe Park to tell her I had seen the Goober.  She warned me to keep a safe distance from him because he had crossed the finished line dripping with sweat (not unlike me), spitting (very unlike me), and with a mustache full of snot (completely unlike me).  Naturally about halfway through the 5K, I caught up to him.  I tried to pull away him to avoid his 'splash' zone but damned if he didn't keep pace...and then pass me and pull away during the last half mile.

Great,  the Goober beat me.  I am slower than out-of-shape Hulk Hogan. 
Whatcha gonna do, BROTHER, when the Goober goes running by you?!  
According to Baconlb he finished way ahead of me at the Hangover 5K as well.  Even though I subtracted ~ 2 minutes off of my time from Race 1 to Race 2 the Goober still smoked me.
Son of a Bitch.
I guess I need to get my ass on the treadmill.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

52 Weeks, 52 Races - Race 1: CJRRC Hangover 5K - Tamaques Park - Westfield, NJ

I've been known to make goals that may or may not be feasible, possible, or even plausible.  I like to think big, but sometimes I think too big, spread myself too thin, and accomplish nothing.  You may or not may not have seen my goals for 2011.  That was good sport, but words are wind.
Yes, I love A Song of Fire and Ice, so what?!
This year's big, hairy audacious goal (BHAG)  is to run 52 races of any length and type though probably predominantly 5Ks in 52 weeks.  That's 52 races in a year for those of you who can't do the conversion. Given the time it takes to run a race and the cost to run then, I feel it's a pretty big, hairy, and audacious.  Let's not forget the first 12 weeks and the last 4 weeks tend to be rather cold, there are usually a number of mercilessly hot ones even in NJ.  Let's also not forget that I work full time and I'm also working on my PhD in chemistry.  I have a lot on my plate and running is just filling it up more.
So if this was to happen at all, it had to start early.  I could think of no earlier time than noon on New Year's Day.  Well, I guess I could have done one of those midnight runs but I planned on keeping my streak of inebriated NYE's intact.  It stretches back at least 10 year's now and I don't plan on ending it.  Luckily, Baconlb is the best girlfriend a blogger/runner/chemist/PhD student could have and she was more than willing to watch me punish myself at noon on New Year's Day.  She was both more sober than me and not committed to running anything.
She had planned a surprise birthday party for my 31st birthday at the Westfield 5 mile Turkey Trot in the same location.  
SURPRISE!
Look at all of those candles!
The picture was actually taken at The Office in Westfield following the race, but it was still my birthday and the best birthday party I have ever had so I'm going to include it.  This is my blog and I do what I want.
Here's me feeding Don because I wanted to.
Both the Turkey Trot and the Hangover 5K guided us through the area surrounding Tamaques Reservation in Westfield, NJ.


View Larger Map
Westfield is where the rich folks live in Union County.  Several of my real world job bosses live in Westfield.  I don't live in Westfield but I aspire to.  In regards to the running, both races started with what I am estimating to be 0.75 mile loop around the park about one and a half times.  During the beginning of both times I wondered to myself if we would only be doing laps around the park.  We did not.  The courses wound their way through the lovely suburban neighborhoods.  During both runs, I passed someone who had been injured and was lying on the ground while they were attended to by event staff.  Both times I wore the same Waynesboro Football T-Shirt. (The coaching staff are Friends of PoMiFoS. I was invited to join the staff as 'Mental Toughness' Coach.  The commute was too long so I had to decline.)
Go Indians!
The big Asian guy and the drum stick head band were only at the Turkey Trot.  Note the special number Baconlb got me for the race on my 31st birthday!
Overall, I enjoyed running around the Tamaques Reservation area.  Like most of Central NJ, the area is pretty flat which allows for quick times.  I felt pretty good about my time considering the circumstances for both runs.  The Turkey Trot was one of the longer runs I had attempted since the Tough Mudder more than a month prior.  The Hangover 5K featured me with a hangover.  While Baconlb waited for me at the finish line she heard about someone having trouble along the side of the course.  She assumed it was me vomiting.  Given the cold sweats and headache I had during the drive I can't blame her.  The Hangover 5K was just one tiny step this year.  Hopefully it continues with 51 more!

I'm the big gray blob that appears to be waving


Sunday, November 18, 2012

Tough Mudder - Tri-State 2012- Englishtown, NJ

Last week I had just finished watching the Eagles lose to the Cowboys and the stench of disappointment and losing is choking me like a midnight green chicken bone.  The Nick Foles Era may have started but it soured like the milk in my refrigerator during the Hurricane Sandy induced power outage. I looked into myself and questioned why I spent my afternoon watching them, eating pizza, and drinking beer.  This isn’t where I want myself to be and I am not happy about how I spent this beautiful November afternoon. I should have been outside preparing for my next challenge.  A month ago, I was worried about completing the grueling 12 mile challenge known as the Tough Mudder Tri-State.  I had gone down that muddy road before.  I looked back at completing my second Tough Mudder in Englishtown and I realized that preparing and completing a challenge like the Tough Mudder provides me with a indescribable feeling of pride.   Go push yourself to your physical limits and come back and you’ll understand.

Look at that BAMF.

525759_689609257310_75657461_n

I may or may not have screamed freedom and charged down a hill in a kilt shortly after that picture was take.

Here is how the day started.  I was an ad hoc member of Don’t Be a Dick in the Mud.

Team Photo - Before TM

I’m the handsome devil in the gray shirt in the middle.

Here is how the day ended.

Team Photo - Post TM 04

Still handsome, just with more of a mud colored shirt.

In between I ran, climbed up hills, over obstacles, and overall pushed myself to my physical limits.

We ran clean.

Running 03

We ran dirty.

Running 05

We made new friends with other Mudders.

Giant Ladder

We climbed over muddy obstacles.

Mud Hill 05

We helped others climb over obstacles.

Rope Ladder 01 

         And we ran some more.

Running 01And through it all we persevered. The first time I wrote about the Tough Mudder, I waxed poetic about human spirit, shared purpose, and community. A year later, I realize these are events put onto raise money.  Mud Runs rant and rave about bravery and mental toughness and altruism but these events are put on for all of us to get muddy and pretend we were in Seal Team Six.  We pay a good amount of money for the experience not to mention the mud, bumps, scratches, and bruises.  This time I also have more pictures to show how we looked doing it.  Despite the cynical talk about the Tough Mudder being just a profit seeking venture, it makes money by making you look deep inside yourself to find that you are tough enough to complete it.  We all paid a fairly large sum of money to determine if we possessed the constitution, the depth of faith, to go as far is as needed.  Sadly, I lost my completion t-shirt as well as the online badge to show I finished.  You’ll have to take my word and my digital photographs as evidence that I was tough enough.

And I’ll have to start getting ready for next year!

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Ode to a baseball season

Utley Howard Hurt

‘Pen started season Qualls’ed

Now No Phils this Fall

I’m not sure how haikus and odes relate to one another.  They’re both poetry, right?  Where, aside from picsofmeinfrontofstuff.com, do you look for poetry?  If ESPN can be the worldwide leader in sports, yet exhaust 80% of their energy on a sport only played regularly in the United States, then I am going to call PoMiFoS the blogger.com leader in Philadelphia Phillies related haikus and/or odes. 

Cliff goes 10 in loss

Doc hurt his lat in late May

Nats win the East easy.

It’s going to be a difficult Autumn without my favorite boys of summer in the playoffs.  Scott Franzke and Larry Andersen have been the soundtrack to my summer and fall these past five years, ever since I’ve had enough money to buy the mlb.com radio package, but too much frugality to buy the mlb.com TV package.  I splurged and bought the smart phone app this year…and still paid almost $100 less than the cost of the TV package.  No one in their right minds should choose listening to the inanity of Sarge and Wheels over the dulcet tones of Franzke and LA.  LA may be a big dummy, but at least he knows he’s a big dummy.  Listening to them 2008-2011 has provided a soundtrack to fill my summer nights.  At 7:05 the Fightin’s were on and it was time to listen to LA complain about the umpires.  Clearly, I’m biased and I say outside of Vin Scully there is no one better at calling a baseball game.  I’ll give the Mets TV announcers credit because they make for an entertaining broadcast.  They are far superior to the crap the Yankees pump out to their deluded masses.  Still Keith ‘No Play for Mr. Gray’ Hernandez, Ron Darling, and whoever the 3rd guy is can’t hold a candle to the men in the Phillies radio booth.  One positive of the Phillies not making the playoff is not having to listen to Joe Buck call the NL playoffs or World Series.

Franzke and LA

They fill my summers with joy

No Playoffs No Buck

The season started like it always does in December with the purchase of the annual 6-game pack.  The Gang and I have continued our tradition of the Phillies six-pack started back in 2008.  We even all went to Baltimore to see the Phillies play the surprisingly good Baltimore Orioles.  There was some inkling from the start that this season would not go as well as the previous ones.  T-Rev, the steady one in the group, normally procures tickets to 6 Saturday games for all of us to attend.  The 2008 tickets included Opening Day.  We’ve been to Picture Day at least twice.  The first two years featured large volumes of Jaegermeister and Miller Lite and more than our fair share of Bearfights.  Opening Day tickets are much harder to get now and the drinking has curtailed in recent years.  We’re all in our 30s, half of the male contingent is married and the other half is in some sort of serious relationship so the drinking was bound to slow down.  The 2012 edition of The Gang’s adventures did include some inebriation in Baltimore and Towson, MD but not much more.  Throw in the requirement of a Friday night game the day before and a midweek game and the opportunities for being ridiculous were severely limited.  Even before the Phillies season started they were really killing my buzz. 

A Wednesday Game?!

And Happily married too?

My liver’s thankful.

Our ticket season started on a chilly day in April down 4 out of 6 members of the gang.  The Official Parents and Baconlb filled as more than suitable replacements.

 Family at Game

And the season started off well as the new skinnier Joe Blanton pitched well enough to earn a W and Jonathan Papelbon entered the game to ‘For Whom the Bell Tolls’ by Metallica and shut the door on the Cubbies.  Brian Dawkins even threw out the ceremonial first pitch to Jimmy Rollins following his retirement as an Eagle. 

B-Dawk pitching

It was a good start to the season that would watch the Phillies come close to eliminating themselves from the playoffs before the All-Star break.  I was with The Gang as we watched them lose to the Red Sox, Marlins, and Orioles in the first half of the season.  They drifted further and further behind the Nationals.  I missed a dismal loss to the Diamondbacks.  As a new fan, Baconlb was uncertain she had made a good choice in teams.  Even her favorite player as chosen by me, Freddy Galvis was busted for PED use and then fractured his back.

Laura at Phillies

It’s Early August

We’re behind the New York Mets

This season is crap

As they have so often done over the past several years, the Phillies came alive in August and September.  Our Wednesday game was a success as Cliff Lee shutdown the Marlins and the bats scored enough runs to seal the game.  They’ve been here before I told myself.  The beginning of this recent run of success started in 2007 with a trip from 7.5 games with 17 to go behind the Mets.  The playoff romp in 2008 was made possible when the Fightin’s came from 3 games back to overtake the Mets again.  This was 2012 and the 2nd Wild Card was made for the Phillies.  Just sweep the worst team in the majors in Houston and they’re practically in the playoffs.  Yeah, except the Phillies have been owned by the Astros since 2004.  Whatever the Phillies do when they play Houston, they need to stop because they lost 3 out of 4.  That slowed down any playoff talk.  A sweep of the Mets including a 15-1 drubbing in Queens and a win versus the Braves helped to quicken the pulse of Phillies’ fans.  It set the stage for the 6th and final game of the 2012 6-pack.  With Roy Halladay taking the mound, the offense firing on all cylinders in a playoff hunt, and beautiful early fall weather, what more could we ask for?  Well, not giving up 7 runs in the first two innings is what we should asked for.  The normally reliable Doc Halladay got shelled in the first two innings.  It was revealed following the game (or maybe I read it after the game) he had felt spasms behind his shoulder area on Thursday, but was cleared by doctors on Friday. 

Doc He doesn’t look so spasmy there…

Spasms hinder Doc

Braves score seven in two innings

Looks like no wildcard

German dancing

But there was German dancing…

The Phillies highlights were limited.  Ryan Howard clobbered a ball into centerfield for his 300th career homerun.  Darin Ruf the current single season homerun record holder for the Reading Phillies also hit a sac fly for his first career Major League RBI.  And the weather was nice.  And that’s it.  The Phillies have been so great over the past 5 years it’s tough not to be disappointed with them missing the playoffs.  I’ve been spoiled.  Not douchebag Yankees fan spoiled, but still spoiled.  There are plenty of young Phillies fans who don’t remember when guys like Von Hayes, Juan Samuel, and Tyler Greene lost a lot games in the Vet.  There’s a reason they have 10,000 plus losses.  So 2012 ended with a whimper for the Gang and Phillies.  We will have to look forward to February 2013 when the Phillies head down to Clearwater. 

Twenty-twelve’s a bust

The Phillies can’t catch the Cards

Hope’s back in ‘13.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Gettysburg National Military Park - Gettysburg, Pennsylvania

The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here...- Abraham Lincoln, The Gettysburg Address
  

Remember Lincoln's.  You can probably forget these.  The world will never forget what Abraham Lincoln said at the dedication of the National Cemetery in Gettysburg on November 19, 1863.  The funny thing is he wasn't even the main speaker that day.  Anyone remember who was?  
Abe and I talked about it some and decided it didn't really matter.
What really mattered is that 7 score and 9 years ago  Pennsylvania was invaded by Robert E Lee's Army Northern Virginia.  Lee's Army fought General George Meade's Army of the Potomac on this nation's 87th birthday.  Abraham Lincoln showed up 5 months later in November 1863. PoMiFoS was just behind about 150 years later.
Baconlb and I arrived on the Saturday night before Labor Day and set off to explore the battlefield.  She loves paranormal television shows including, but not limited to The Haunted Collector, School Spirits, Paranormal Witness, and Dead Files.  The tourist industry in Gettysburg sells itself as a haven for the paranormal and so we explored the battlefield in the dark doing minimal ghost hunting.  I do not have any grainy or night vision video of us shouting what was that or searching around in the complete darkness.  I also don't have a faux hawk or a ton of time to hit the gym.

That's a flaslight and a slow shutter speed.

There weren't any at the summit of Little Round Top either.

Oooh, spooky soldier

I had my Canon Rebel T1i , Baconlb, and a couple of flashlights.  Not surprisingly we did not run into any ghosts on top of Culp's Hill
It was far less interesting than what shows up on Syfy or Discovery or whatever channels churn them out these days.   We did not run into any ghosts or apparitions though we did encounter a black cat on top of Little Round Top.  It's caterwauling was upsetting but since it was not accompanied by any ghostly apparitions we did not waste our time chasing after it.  Clearly, that was not quite the stuff that makes riveting television. It's barely the stuff of a half-assed blog.  The highlight of ghost hunting was the way Baconlb impersonates The Haunted Collector John Zaffis way better than actually listening to him.  You might be shocked like I am that no one has posted a video of themselves impersonating his Yankee accent.
Thanks for nothing,Youtube!
We eventually did the Carlisle Street tour with Ghosts of Gettysburg through town.  It's definitely worth a try if you're into learning about some of the history.  That was nothing like Ghost Adventures but if you like history, give Ghosts of Gettysburg a shot.
The next day started bright (well, overcast) and early with a return trip to Little Round Top.  In our hurry to beat the sun over the horizon I ignored multiple Do Not Enter signs.  We learned that the National Park Service does in  fact partol the roads in and around the battlefield since we were pulled over when we ignored one Do Not Enter sign too many.  Fortunately, due to the early hour and my 'acting' confused the National Parks Officer let us go simply with correct directions.   Unfortunately he did not issue us a recipe for clearer skies so the view from Little Round Top was foggy.  
While we did not get a fantastic view of the sunrise ala the Grand Canyon, but t we did get a chance to enjoy the more popular sights in the area before breakfast and everyone else waking up and getting in the way of our pictures.  


I had insisted on hitting the Triangular Field early in case whatever supernatural forces were located there sucked my camera battery dry.  That's a widely reported effect of visiting the Triangular Field and our very own Baconlb reported it had happened to her.  Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how you feel about my photography, my battery stayed strong throughout the trip.
My camera still works even after entering the gate to the Triangular Field.
Is that a ghost on Little Round Top?
Eventually we restarted our tour of the battlefield with an audio tour narrated by Wayne Motts.  If you are looking for a battlefield tour you can't go wrong with his Battlefield tour on CD.  I initially picked a different one and our cashier scoffed at my choice and immediately asked us if we wanted to be zeroes or heroes when we toured the battlefield.  I responded with the latter and with a sly grin she sold me on Wayne Motts' battlefield field guide. It's listed as 3 hour tour (cue Gilligan's Island theme) but that's just if you sit in your car and don't get out to explore the monuments and battlefield.  I forced Baconlb to get out of the car and explore the monuments and other landmarks that abound in the battlefield. 
 
John Reynolds fearlessly led his men at the opening shots of the battle and is commemorated at Auto Tour Stop 1.

Eternal Peace and Light Memorial


Cannons are more fun than peace memorials!
My favorite monument.  The 90th Pennsylvania Regimental Monument.


Posing awkwardly at the Pennsylvania Monument abbreviated PA, not Penna.
Baconlb showing the correct way to read a weathered monument.
Recreating Pickett's Charge minus all that bloodshed.
Pickett's Chrage with all the bloodshed, depcited at the Cyclorama.

The Tennessee Monument: It's not that they didn't finish it.  The base has the shape of Tennessee on it.  I was initially confused.


Google what Joshua Chamberlain and the 20th Maine did on Little Round Top.
After the battlefield we toured the museum and watched movie and hit the Gettysburg Cyclorama.  The movie was narrated by Morgan Freeman aka God and gave me all kinds of chills discussing how amazing our country is.  PoMiFoS is a proud American blog and I can't help but get a little misty eyed being told about how our country has faced and overcome adversity.  We still strive for freedom everyday.  Clearly, freedom of speech is a guaranteed right in this country.  How else does a shoddy blog like this one continue to exist?  Based on grammar alone, the government should probably consider shutting it down.

Luckily for me and my readers, 150 years ago Honest Abe freed the slaves and saved the Union..

Monday, July 2, 2012

Jumping at the Grand Canyon

I come to sing the praises of jumping pictures.  I'd like to thank this young Asian tourist for inspiring both @Baconlb and me at the Grand Canyon.



In the real world, he may have landed by now.  In my heart he'll be hovering a few feet off the ground in Northern Arizona forever.

Here's my amateur attempt.
 The lack of flexibility and apparent agility is clear.
 And then look at me poo.

 But I feel like a stuck the dismount.

And here's how a seasoned veteran does it.
1. Preparation.  Can you sense the focus?
 2. Crouching Tiger.  Sense the power building.
 3. Hidden Dragon.  Here's the calm before storm of awesome is unleashed.
 4. Facebook profile quality picture.  Wow.  Just Wow!
 5. Post picture pooping.  Great physical feats often end in pooping.
And that's how it's done.