Return to the Bloomsburg Fair - Bloomsburg, PA

Before there was Cleo Possum....
Before Iowa brought the Penn State Nittany Lions down to Earth...
Before the soulless Yankees defeated the Philadelphia Phillies in the World Series...

CP and I returned to Central Pennsylvania for some fair food.  Not fair food, as in food that treats everyone equally though that would be pretty interesting.  I mean fair food as in the deep fried, unhealthy deliciousness at the Bloomsburg Fair and probably most fairs in small towns around the US.  This wasn't the first time and probably not the last time, but it certainly was a time.  A time that I was determined to fill myself with as much fried food deliciousness as humanly possible.  Everything is better deep-fried.  One time Homer Simpson deep fried his shirt.  I did not go that far, but the thought crossed my mind.  I tried just about everything else deep fried that I possibly could.  My health and gastrointestinal tract be damned.

Sadly, the weather was not as fair as the food and there was no opportunity to watch cars crash into one another outside of the usual action on the Garden State Parkway and the Jersey Turnpike.  I have never been anywhere in my life with more cars that have clearly been in accidents than near Pics of Me in Front of Stuff Manor in New Jersey.  Holy crap, Guidos, get off the phone, slow down, and watch where you're going.   Jenks or D'Jais is going to be there if you are 15 minutes later.  You might even be having a hair gel emergency or be fired up to get to Belmar but I would really appreciate it if you did not run into me.  Thanks!

 Luckily, the weather held off long enough for CP and me to consume well over our recommended daily limit of calories.  I started off my day at the fair with a sausage sandwich.  Unfortunately, there was no picture taken of the sausage.  I was pretty hungry so I more or less devoured it.  Our photos start with a Fiesta Frank, an interesting and nostalgic choice.  The nostalgia is because Fiesta Franks are a product of Berks Foods where I was lucky enough to work as an intern in the quality control department when I was in college.  That's right, quality control on hot dogs.  That may sound like an oxymoron similar to jumbo shrimp or military intelligence but hot dogs and all processed meat products are regulated by the USDA and therefore require certain specifications necessitating a QC lab.   While the regulations are lax in comparison to the pharmaceutical industry they're still there. I still eat hot dogs after working for the hot dog factory if that makes you feel better, Dear Reader.  You may want to see what I ate over the course of my visit to the Bloomsburg Fair before taking that statement too seriously.

CP and I decided to go for a more ethnic feel for our next food when we headed over to Dave's Gyros.  

 I am really lacking in gyro related anecdotes so I will let the picture speak for itself.  CP certainly appears be enjoying that gyro, doesn't she?

 The gyro was quickly followed by waffles and ice cream.  It was a bit early for desert, but it felt like an appropriate interlude.  Something to soothe the beasts that were bound to rage in my stomach.  Consider this a gustatory preemptive strike on future weapons of deep-fried destruction.  I had 'intelligence' that told me my stomach was receiving shipments of deadly material (i.e. fair food) and I felt that the shock and awe of some ice cream was necessary.  Ice cream does not take up much room in your stomach so this desert did not slow down my intake.  All of the other food coupled with the eventual rain did that.

The ice cream interlude was followed by a stroll to the outskirts of the fairgrounds where it appeared the less established vendors served their food.  One of those vendors was Bloomin Thai.  Who goes to the Bloomsburg Fair for Thai food?  No one. We certainly did not, but Thai food is often deep-fried as well as more common fair food.

Nothing screams Central PA like fried calamari.

While not the best calamari I have ever had, it certainly was the best calamari at a fair I have ever had.  And that's something right?  With that brief international interlude aside CP and I returned to the more traditional forms of deep fried goodness found at fairs everywhere - fresh cut french fries!

That's not windex CP is spraying on those french fries, that's vinegar.  Vinegar is not usually what I eat on my french fries.  I really only eat vinegar on my french fried potatoes at fairs.  Call up, Robert Stack, because that is a regular Unsolved Mystery.  Why do we do that?  Unfortunately, that squirt bottle was not the only thing spritzing that day because the clouds turned into a rainy day which tried to chase us from the fairgrounds.  The rain did more than try.  It succeeded in chasing us off from the fairgrounds, but not before we stopped at one final fried food dispensary.  This last one featured bloomin' onions and fried cheese balls, the piece de resistance of heart stopping fried food adventure.

If there is anything that screams fried unhealthiness more than deep-fried cheese I am not sure what it is.  And with those cheeseballs, CP and I bid the Bloomsburg Fair a fond farewell a little sadder, wetter, and cholesterol filled than when we arrived.