De Soto Caverns - Childersburg, Alabama - State No. 29

When I think of Alabama I think of....
Um....
Well, there was an obnoxious woman who insisted on yelling 'Roll Tide' at me while I was leaving a bar wearing a Penn State hat in New Orleans.  That's right, before I was born this happened.

 

I guess she wasn't too bad.

Yes, it's likely the Crimson Tide will beat up on the Nittany Lions come college football season in 2010.  New QB + new LBs for PSU = bad news.  I can't say I am hopeful for the Lions when they face the Crimson Tide on the gridiron in 2010.  While PSU would probably win in most athletic contests save football and baseball and probably win most academic contests, Alabama has a very good football team.  Joe Paterno is certainly a better person than Nick Saban, Alabama has a very good football team.  My Penn State hat does have one thing going for it: I do not live in Alabama.  That's right, Dirty Jerz is way better than Alabama in just about every way.  The Jersey Shore may lurk in Seaside Heights, but The Situation can't compare to William Bradley Bankston.  It's probably due to the limited incest and the improved oral hygiene in NJ, but who can be sure.

Congratulations on the BCS Championship, Alabama.  Unfortunately for you, you're still in Alabama!
My bad attitude towards obnoxious middle-aged women aside, Alabama is still one of the 50 states and therefore I am required by my vow to visit all of the state regardless of how much incest or squealing like a pig may go on there.  My first choice would have been to visit the Gulf Coast and spend some time in the warm calm waters of the Gulf of Mexico.

That looks nice, doesn't it?

 

Unfortunately, Pics of Me in Front of stuff decided to visit the South in December.

  

This was the first photo that came up on a Google image search of 'Alabama winter'.

Less driving was required to drive through the northern half of Alabama, stay in Birmingham, and visit De Soto Caverns in Childersburg than try to hit up the Gulf Shore.  It was hard to think of anything to do in Northern Alabama in December.  It does not appear to be teeming with excitement even during the height of the tourist season.  If Pics of Me in Front of Stuff was more interested in hunting Alabama may have been more interesting considering just how much wilderness there is in northern Alabama.  Unfortunately, Pics of Me in Front of Stuff does not feature a blaze orange vest or a gun so hunting was not in the cards.  

Before Pics of Me in Front of Stuff descended on De Soto Caverns, I expected something akin to a state or national park. 

 

That expectation was built on the fact that De Soto Cavern is the first officially recorded cavern in United States history, dating back to a 1796 expedition in the area.  De Soto, the conquistador, was reported as having spent time in the area with the Coosa Tribe and allegedly visited the cavern.  So being linked to a fair amount of American history, you may expect something funded by the taxpayers.  You may be able to tell from the signs, that is not what you get when you visit De Soto Caverns Park.

What you do get from De Soto Caverns is a bizarro amusement park with a cave underneath it. There are over 20 different attractions not including tours of the United States' first recorded cave though not all of them are open in December.  The ones involving getting wet via water cannons and/or water balloons were closed due to the chilly weather as was the butterfly display.  Pics of Me in Front of Stuff did get to travel through De Soto's Lost Trail Maze.

Considering how cold it was and the puddles lurking in the corners of the maze, it was quite a harrowing journey.  Maybe I am not built as tough as De Soto, but I do not go around destroying ancient civilizations either.  After finding our way through the lost trail, Pics of Me in Front of Stuff also panned for gemstones.  They do not put diamonds in that sand but that water sure is cold in December.  One of the employees did mention a previous visitor asked her to break ice to allow for his children to pan for the gemstones.  His name was not De Soto, but apparently his kids were tougher than me too.

All I had to protect me was a lousy mustache.
Another of the employees, a middle-aged Alabama woman, let Pics of Me in Front of Stuff do a second pan for free!  Not all of the 'Bama ladies are that bad!

After panning all of the gemstones we could, Pics of Me in Front of Stuff took a tour of what De Soto Caverns Park is known for...De Soto Cavern.  The cave consists of several rooms featuring a multitude of rock formations.  As caves go it's smaller than Luray Caverns but bigger than Penn's Cave.  Pics of Me in Front of Stuff is not a spelunking organization.  The cave was pretty and well lit as caves go and that made it a lot easier to look around.  Can you imagine someone stumbling around a cave with just a lantern to guide them?  Pics of Me in Front of Stuff appreciates the adventurous spirit, but still thinks their nuts.
There were a multitude of rock formations lit up in unique ways.

Most of the cave provided lots of blurry pictures, like the one above and this one below.

 

 Pics of Me in Front of Stuff just lacks the expertise to take pictures in low light.  Messing with the settings did give a crazy looking image like this one.

 

The lack of photography skills aside, the cave was a very beautiful example of what we do not get to see very often.  When was the last time you saw beauty built on the geologic time scale?  That's millions of years for those of you not scientifically inclined.  God or Nature or whatever omnipotent force you prefer took It's time making this cave.  Think about that and then compare that to the 15 minutes you can imagine it takes me to pump out crap like this blog.  They used to say a million monkeys with a million typewriters could pump out the great works of Shakespeare by just sheer chance.  We now have the internet to prove that is not true.  Someone else said that, I know for sure, but I don't know who.  I can't take credit for it.  

At the end of the tour our guide showed us one of the only places you can be in complete darkness.

 

They call it cave darkness for a reason. 

After the darkness, there was a light show which was in the spirit of the Christmas season and a little heavy on the Jesus.  Considering De Soto Cavern's location the theme was not surprising.  At the very least, the lights were pretty.  They matched the rock formations.  The stalactites and stalagmites were definitely worth the long wait and if you are unlucky enough to be in northern Alabama any time of year I recommend visiting the caverns.  I have a feeling the cool in the cave is a welcome respite to the heat in the summer.  If you get a chance go visit and get out of the heat.

2009 in Review

It has been fun 2009, I hate to see you go.
In fact, I am not really sure where you went.
Maybe it was the booze.
Maybe I was busy.
Maybe it was a combination of both. Now that it is almost the end of 2009 and many best of the decade specials are appearing it's time to review the best, the worst, and the unrecorded of 2009. I would like to note that the first decade of the 21st century started in 2001 and lasts until 2010. I am not sure what decade is ending with 2009 since 2000 was actually part of both the 20th Century and the 1990s. Aside from that, couldn't we celebrate the best of the decade every year since there were 9 previous years? I guess it could be said for every arbitrary 365 days and thereby my 2009 year in review would quickly become pointless. So forget most of what I just said and read what accompanies the pictures below.

I am sitting in the parlor of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff Manor watching the Temple Owls play in their first bowl game in 30 years, listening to the wind howl outside, and marveling at how Al Golden, Temple's football coach is dressed in a shirt and tie with no coat. My 2010 New Year's resolutions should include being as Bad-Ass as Al Golden. Being more bad-ass, in a good way, should be in everyone's New Year's Resolutions.

Just like the end and like most of the years I have existed, my 2009 started off with a lot of football.

I watched it in Baltimore with This Guy and Mets Fan.

Remember when 2008 was the Summer of the Bearfight?

I watched the Eagles lose another NFC Championship game first hand with the Official Father of Pics of Me In Front of Stuff in Arizona.

CP and I watched the Super Bowl in 3D two weeks later.

It was an exciting year to watch me some football. Every time Hank Williams ask me if I am ready for some football my answer is usually yes.

Football more or less exited the discussion on Pics of Me In Front of Stuff after that game. This is probably due to the season being over. Most of the rest of the first quarter of the year was locked in PA/NY/NJ including a trip to where the 3 borders of those states intersected. Without football, the highlight of the winter of 2009 was probably a trip to the top of the Empire State Building for a wedding on Valentine's Day. Throw in a wedding with a Bear Fight, a Polar Bear Plunge, and a random Belly Dancer and the winter gave way to spring.

I am glad she was not hairy like a bear because there seemed to be a theme developing... Also I was eating and she was dancing close to my food.

The end of winter brought the beginning of baseball season. It does this every year. Unfortunately, the Phillies title defense started with the loss of their longtime play-by-play announcer Harry Kalas. The Phils now play High Hopes after every game in his honor. I hope that is the beginning of a tradition. The world is a little sadder with his loss. The baseball season went on without HK and I was present for Brad Lidge ending his save streak, the Phillies first trip to New Yankee Stadium, idiot Phillies fans shining laser pointers at Albert Pujols, and rode the 7 Train with Jeff Franceour's wife. I also learned that you can visit the home plate that was found in Veteran's Stadium before the dump was torn down and replaced by the current stadiums in Philadelphia.

It is in the middle of a parking lot. This should not be a surprise since the turf was considered as hard as concrete when the Vet still stood.

The Phillies won just as many World Series there as they have in Citizens Bank Ballpark. Thank God they moved. Aside from visiting the Phillies this summer, Pics of Me in Front of Stuff also took a trip to Hawaii. Maybe you saw the 9 posts regarding Pu'uhonua O Honaunau National Historic Park, Kilaueua Lava Flow, Mauna Kea, Hawai'i Volcanoes National Park, the southernmost bar in the US, liquid aloha, South Point, and the Kona Half-Marathon. Fortunately for all of my readers, I seem to have lost the shirtless pictures of me from our day at the beach in Hawaii. I will be sure to save some of those for next year in Pics of Me in Front of Stuff Gone Wild.

Finally, there is the overriding goal of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff - visiting all 50 states. The journey started off a bit slow this year, not reaching Maine until after Memorial Day. Hawaii was already cleared off the list when I visited over the summer. Fortunately, CP and I took a road trip through the Southeast US at the beginning of December. The event is still undocumented on Pics of Me in Front of Stuff, but if you think Hawaii was thoroughly described wait until you start hearing about exciting places like Birmingham, Alabama and Hamburg, Arkansas!

Here's a preview of the whirlwind roadtrip I drug CP on to start off December. This trip helped me reach states 28 through 32. That leaves 18 to go with just under 2 years to accomplish it. You can imagine what next year's road trip looks like.

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With that said, the year is coming to an end and we at Pics of Me in Front of Stuff would like to wish all of you a Happy New Year. Look for bigger and better things in 2010!