Movember!

For those of you who have the DTs due to a lack of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff, I apologize. I am sorry.  I hear the DTs are rough.I am proud to see you managed to stop shaking long enough to type my long url.  I hope maybe you just bookmarked your favorite blog...and this one, too.  The Thanksgiving Holiday coupled with my vacation created a time vacuum that sucked up any and all of my time I had for reporting on the crap I go to visit.  Think of it as a time black hole.  I barely managed to have a birthday!  Fortunately, CP had some vacation and decided to bake me a cake.  Cake and time sink aside, I apologize for the lack of content, but the 'good news' is I have visited several 'exciting' new places during vacation which will be filling the pages of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff soon.  The bad news is this post is not going to feature much in the way of 'exotic' locales.  Before I can get to the stuff behind me in pictures I need to mention a movement that is near and dear to my heart if my heart was located near my face or my testicles.  There is a joke relating those two body parts and their proximity in there somewhere.  It'll come to me eventually.  And seriously who doesn't love a good genital-mouth joke?  I certainly can't think of anyone.

Anyone who loves balls-to-mouth jokes most surely knows the reason for the 'Stache pictured above is

Movember.  Maybe you do not like balls-to-mouth jokes, but still know about Movember.  For those of you who do not know and prefer my brief synopsis to actually clicking on the link, Movember, the Reason for the Season,  is an international movement aimed at raising awareness and funds for prostate and testicular cancer.  Movember is aimed at changing the face of men's health through the Movember Foundation in conjunction with the Prostate Cancer Foundation and the Lance Armstrong Foundation.  I have been known to raise money for charity previously especially the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation of America.  I raised $5600 for the CCFA because my mom has suffered from the disease for over 20 years.  Having both a prostate and multiple testicles I am even more invested in this particular cause.  You can compare charity to a breakfast - bacon and eggs.  For the CCFA, I was a chicken.  I was involved.  I layed an egg, a 13.1 mile; $5600 egg but I am not directly affected by the disease.  For Movember I was the pig.  I was the bacon.  I was committed.  I decided to be a big pig and grow a mustache.  Some would say it was a decision I made a long-long time ago. 

Oink.  Oink.

For those of you who not down with the 'Stache, my particular model is known as the Trucker or the Horse Shoe.  Though unable to grow one of her own Karen Alloy does a thorough and entertaining job of describing the types of mustaches as well as bemoaning her inability to grow one of her own.  She's also nice to look at.  Needless to say so I will type it, I am a fan of hers on Facebook now. 

Thanks, Karen!
The most famous proponent of my chosen mustache model is Hulk Hogan.  Like the Hulkster I was known to storm into work waving an American flag and patriotic music blaring during Movember.

Luckily, I also kept an extra shirt in my office for when I ripped it off upon arrival in my office. It wasn't me, it was the mustache.  He even took on a life of his own.  He actually earned a name - Cleo Possum - the same way porn stars earn their name - first pet + name of the street you grew up on.  Cleo got to go on several adventures and took me with him.  Him and I were spotted in New York City, Delaware, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Georgia, and Alabama.

Cleo and I had our happy moments like here in Georgia.

 And our less than happy moments.

Cleo brought some unique insight to the world, but he burnt brightly and quickly like a shooting star.

On December 1st Movember ended Cleo was gone, but he'll be fondly remembered.  Together we helped raise awareness for prostate cancer and that's what truly mattered.

Playoff Beard - Everywhere I went in October

There is facial hair

...and there are beards...

...and there are great beards!

That one helped to end the cold war!!!!  Aside from Abraham Lincoln and Santa Claus, there are few beards that match up to Sylvester Stallone's beard in Rocky IV.  Lincoln's beard helped to win the Civil War and freed the slaves.
Santa's beard helps bring joy and presents to children all over the world.  To top all of that Rocky's beard helped end the Cold War and prevented mutually assured destruction between the United States and the Soviet Union.

If I can change and you can change, everybody can change and maybe I can stop posting pictures and videos that were not captured by me or CP and get to the point.  The point is, like many great men before me, I grew a beard this October to help inspire the Fightin's onto consecutive World Championships for the first time in their 126 year history.  Blocking their way was the Evil Empire, the New York Yankees, a team composed of and cheered by many who had given up their souls in favor of baseball glory.  I am not saying all Yankees fans sold their souls, I am just saying there is a good chance the Devil does not just wear Prada, but he or she also wears pinstripes.  Tell me Yankees fans, does it hurt not having a soul?  My only basis for knowledge on this subject is the Simpsons. 
It takes a daring and possibly slightly unstable man to grow a beard for the baseball playoffs.   It takes a down right nut-job to grow a beard and wear the opposing team's hat into New York City when playing the Yankees.  All I can say is, look at that beardo.

It clearly takes an understanding woman like CP to put up with this shit.  Beards are not attractive, comfortable, or, in my case, sanitary.  Do you know how much food gets caught in there every meal?!  Not only does CP allow me to drag her retarded places and take my picture, but she also puts up with a beard followed by a month worth of mustache aka Movember.

The funny thing is, baseball players don't even grow beards.  Well, aside from the House of David baseball team, most don't.  Beards are for the hockey playoffs.  But consider this.  Hockey playoffs are played in the summer when the weather is warm and the players skate on melting ice in heavy sweaters and pads.  They sweat a lot in all that gear.  Having briefly lived with a hockey player in college I know just how awful those pads stink.  Baseball playoffs are played in the fall when the leaves are changing and the weather is starting to turn cold.  One of the games in the NLDS in Colorado was postponed due to wintry conditions.  So tell me why it makes more sense for hockey playoffs than the baseball playoffs?  In case you missed earlier this month, I eventually used the beard as part of my Halloween costume.  That was all CP's idea.  Isn't she smart?  I witnessed Game 3 of the World Series in the Village with a Phillies hat and a playoff beard.  Unfortunately, that night and the entire series did not work out in the Phillies' favor.  Yes, I know tthhhhhhhhheeeee Yankees won.  Yes, that is the most spectacularly bad call in the history of broadcasting.  I do not just mean after this World Series, I mean when the lame announcer says it after every Yankees win.  Yes, that is likely sour grapes coming.  Sadly, I had to take a long look in the mirror following Pedro's lackluster start in Game 6.

I had to say goodbye to the beard.

And say hello to the moustache.

Thanks to one of my many Steeler fan facebook friends for letting me steal his picture.  Also, don't fret, I'll get back to writing about weird places I have been soon.

Thunder Mountain Skeet & Trap- Ringwood, NJ

This trip reminded me of an iconic movie scene from the Christmas classic, Die Hard. Sadly these are the best representations Youtube had to offer.
Instead of Hans Gruber, we get Severus Snape.


Yippie kay yay, Muggle-fucker?
Or instead of Alan Rickman as Severus Snape we get some Eurotrash doing the video game version of Die Hard.

Shame on you, Youtube. I expect more out of you than this. I could not find a version of the real scene that allowed itself to be embedded. Here's the real one that the jerks at Youtube won't share.
Then again, if I had the ability not to rely on 80s and 90s movie references maybe I would not face this problem. I could save a lot of time and effort not scouring the internet for videos featuring the esoteric scenes from the movies and television shows of my youth. Just think how much I could accomplish if that were the case? Unfortunately, it's not.
Back to the topic at hand. While unbelievable to many from New Jersey, even though I am from Pennsylvania and many of my friends are avid hunters I have not handled many guns in my life. When I was in the Boy Scouts in the 90s we got to shoot .22 and archery. There was a shotgun to shoot as well, but I never took part. I never had a reason why I did not. It was just one of those things that just never happened. Last year I had a chance to change that following the Heart of the Highlands 5K, but for some reason CP and I were not able to stick around and shoot. I ran, we all ate some delicious breakfast at Mark and Kate's house and returned to the Pics of Me in Front of Stuff Lair. This year, I missed the 5K due to driving issues, basically leaving too late and me not being able to follow directions. We pulled in just as the race was pulling out.
It was interesting seeing the winners finish, I am usually a little over halfway when they are closing in on the finish line.

Now I know what the 30 minutes of boredom CP must feel when I am running and I have to say it made me appreciate her even more. My lack of running was followed by a trip to the shooting range to shoot some skeet.

No not that kind of skeet, skeet, skeet...
In fact, I am not sure if we were skeet shooting or trap shooting. I have no idea what the difference is and I am pretty sure it's not relevant. Thunder Mountain Skeet & Trap is located in Ringwood Manor State Park very close to the New Jersey-New York border. When most people think of New Jersey they think of South Jersey with its beaches and pine barrens and 'North' Jersey with its chemical plants, refineries, and New York City. However, that 'North' Jersey encompasses the southern part of the northern third of the state. Much of the northernmost part of New Jersey features woods and mountains. It's hard to believe, but it is very scenic and probably my favorite part of New Jersey. If you like hiking and live in NJ or NY, I highly recommend finding your way to Ringwood. If you like shooting or would like to try shooting a shotgun, I recommend Thunder Mountain Skeet & Trap. A fee of $17 got us each a box of shells and a shotgun and a helpful young man to serve as attendant. CP and I each got to handle some shotguns and shoot some bright orange objects as they flew through the air after one of us said 'Pull'.

Here's CP.

Turns out she is a pretty good shot. I will keep that in mind come Christmas time. Someone is definitely getting a good gift based solely on my survival instincts. CP may have to go by AO (Annie Oakley) if she keeps that up.

Here's me.

I am not such a good shot. You could call me DM as in Dead Meat if AO and I ever got into a shooting match. By shooting match I mean gun fight. I missed the first 5 clay pigeons but somehow managed to shoot as many as CP when it was all said and done. That's why I slipped our attendant aka un-leasher of clay pigeous and official score keeper $5 when we left.

While I'll never be a card carrying member of the NRA, this was fun. It felt pretty good to pulverize those little orange sons of bitches. Yee-haw!