Playoff Beard - Everywhere I went in October

There is facial hair

...and there are beards...

...and there are great beards!

That one helped to end the cold war!!!!  Aside from Abraham Lincoln and Santa Claus, there are few beards that match up to Sylvester Stallone's beard in Rocky IV.  Lincoln's beard helped to win the Civil War and freed the slaves.
Santa's beard helps bring joy and presents to children all over the world.  To top all of that Rocky's beard helped end the Cold War and prevented mutually assured destruction between the United States and the Soviet Union.

If I can change and you can change, everybody can change and maybe I can stop posting pictures and videos that were not captured by me or CP and get to the point.  The point is, like many great men before me, I grew a beard this October to help inspire the Fightin's onto consecutive World Championships for the first time in their 126 year history.  Blocking their way was the Evil Empire, the New York Yankees, a team composed of and cheered by many who had given up their souls in favor of baseball glory.  I am not saying all Yankees fans sold their souls, I am just saying there is a good chance the Devil does not just wear Prada, but he or she also wears pinstripes.  Tell me Yankees fans, does it hurt not having a soul?  My only basis for knowledge on this subject is the Simpsons. 
It takes a daring and possibly slightly unstable man to grow a beard for the baseball playoffs.   It takes a down right nut-job to grow a beard and wear the opposing team's hat into New York City when playing the Yankees.  All I can say is, look at that beardo.

It clearly takes an understanding woman like CP to put up with this shit.  Beards are not attractive, comfortable, or, in my case, sanitary.  Do you know how much food gets caught in there every meal?!  Not only does CP allow me to drag her retarded places and take my picture, but she also puts up with a beard followed by a month worth of mustache aka Movember.

The funny thing is, baseball players don't even grow beards.  Well, aside from the House of David baseball team, most don't.  Beards are for the hockey playoffs.  But consider this.  Hockey playoffs are played in the summer when the weather is warm and the players skate on melting ice in heavy sweaters and pads.  They sweat a lot in all that gear.  Having briefly lived with a hockey player in college I know just how awful those pads stink.  Baseball playoffs are played in the fall when the leaves are changing and the weather is starting to turn cold.  One of the games in the NLDS in Colorado was postponed due to wintry conditions.  So tell me why it makes more sense for hockey playoffs than the baseball playoffs?  In case you missed earlier this month, I eventually used the beard as part of my Halloween costume.  That was all CP's idea.  Isn't she smart?  I witnessed Game 3 of the World Series in the Village with a Phillies hat and a playoff beard.  Unfortunately, that night and the entire series did not work out in the Phillies' favor.  Yes, I know tthhhhhhhhheeeee Yankees won.  Yes, that is the most spectacularly bad call in the history of broadcasting.  I do not just mean after this World Series, I mean when the lame announcer says it after every Yankees win.  Yes, that is likely sour grapes coming.  Sadly, I had to take a long look in the mirror following Pedro's lackluster start in Game 6.

I had to say goodbye to the beard.

And say hello to the moustache.

Thanks to one of my many Steeler fan facebook friends for letting me steal his picture.  Also, don't fret, I'll get back to writing about weird places I have been soon.

Thunder Mountain Skeet & Trap- Ringwood, NJ

This trip reminded me of an iconic movie scene from the Christmas classic, Die Hard. Sadly these are the best representations Youtube had to offer.
Instead of Hans Gruber, we get Severus Snape.


Yippie kay yay, Muggle-fucker?
Or instead of Alan Rickman as Severus Snape we get some Eurotrash doing the video game version of Die Hard.

Shame on you, Youtube. I expect more out of you than this. I could not find a version of the real scene that allowed itself to be embedded. Here's the real one that the jerks at Youtube won't share.
Then again, if I had the ability not to rely on 80s and 90s movie references maybe I would not face this problem. I could save a lot of time and effort not scouring the internet for videos featuring the esoteric scenes from the movies and television shows of my youth. Just think how much I could accomplish if that were the case? Unfortunately, it's not.
Back to the topic at hand. While unbelievable to many from New Jersey, even though I am from Pennsylvania and many of my friends are avid hunters I have not handled many guns in my life. When I was in the Boy Scouts in the 90s we got to shoot .22 and archery. There was a shotgun to shoot as well, but I never took part. I never had a reason why I did not. It was just one of those things that just never happened. Last year I had a chance to change that following the Heart of the Highlands 5K, but for some reason CP and I were not able to stick around and shoot. I ran, we all ate some delicious breakfast at Mark and Kate's house and returned to the Pics of Me in Front of Stuff Lair. This year, I missed the 5K due to driving issues, basically leaving too late and me not being able to follow directions. We pulled in just as the race was pulling out.
It was interesting seeing the winners finish, I am usually a little over halfway when they are closing in on the finish line.

Now I know what the 30 minutes of boredom CP must feel when I am running and I have to say it made me appreciate her even more. My lack of running was followed by a trip to the shooting range to shoot some skeet.

No not that kind of skeet, skeet, skeet...
In fact, I am not sure if we were skeet shooting or trap shooting. I have no idea what the difference is and I am pretty sure it's not relevant. Thunder Mountain Skeet & Trap is located in Ringwood Manor State Park very close to the New Jersey-New York border. When most people think of New Jersey they think of South Jersey with its beaches and pine barrens and 'North' Jersey with its chemical plants, refineries, and New York City. However, that 'North' Jersey encompasses the southern part of the northern third of the state. Much of the northernmost part of New Jersey features woods and mountains. It's hard to believe, but it is very scenic and probably my favorite part of New Jersey. If you like hiking and live in NJ or NY, I highly recommend finding your way to Ringwood. If you like shooting or would like to try shooting a shotgun, I recommend Thunder Mountain Skeet & Trap. A fee of $17 got us each a box of shells and a shotgun and a helpful young man to serve as attendant. CP and I each got to handle some shotguns and shoot some bright orange objects as they flew through the air after one of us said 'Pull'.

Here's CP.

Turns out she is a pretty good shot. I will keep that in mind come Christmas time. Someone is definitely getting a good gift based solely on my survival instincts. CP may have to go by AO (Annie Oakley) if she keeps that up.

Here's me.

I am not such a good shot. You could call me DM as in Dead Meat if AO and I ever got into a shooting match. By shooting match I mean gun fight. I missed the first 5 clay pigeons but somehow managed to shoot as many as CP when it was all said and done. That's why I slipped our attendant aka un-leasher of clay pigeous and official score keeper $5 when we left.

While I'll never be a card carrying member of the NRA, this was fun. It felt pretty good to pulverize those little orange sons of bitches. Yee-haw!

Halloween - Greenwich Village - New York, New York

Paul Bunyan and Babe were walking through the Village.

No, really...

It may sound like the punchline from some American folklore joke, but you can clearly see it happened.  CP, pictured above as Babe the Sexy Blue Ox, and I, dressed up as Paul Bunyan, spent Halloween in Greenwich Village.  Our original plan was to watch the Greenwich Village Halloween parade, but apparently that was also the plan of about 2,000,000 other people.  Since we were a little late, we headed to a bar to enjoy some beverages and watch Game 3 of the World Series.
Yes, I know I had a Phillies hat on.
Yes, I know I was in New York City.
Yes, I know the Yankees won that game and the World Series.
Baseball and the soulless Yankees and their soulless fans aside, I had been growing my lumberjack beard for approximately 1 month.  CP, being the resourceful young lady she is, decided that she would put the beard to good use since it really did nothing but scratch her.  It obviously did not complete it's original purpose of helping the Fightin's win a second World Series in a row.  Unfortunately, the Phillies were not World Phucking Champions for a second time.  I did have a killer beard to look like Paul Bunyan though.

My beard and the Phillies aside, the Village was full of characters that night.
Joining me in the cavalcade of facial hair was Gabe as Magnum PI.

I have trouble telling these two apart...

He's the captain of our Movember team, helping to kick the crap out of prostate cancer!

And he's still single ladies!

Speaking of eligible bachelors, Dr. Pepper was on the loose as well.

Trust him, he's a doctor.  No, really, he is a doctor, just not the kind that deals with patients.

 

Better hurry ladies, the doctor is in high demand.

Finally, for the dudes, what is always really on our minds was running around too.

 

Supposedly, men think about it every 7 seconds. 

Not many people consider how attractive they are up close and personal.

Happy Halloween!
P.S. Thanks to my facebook friends who took these photos and posted them online allowing me to steal them for my blog.