Ode to a baseball season

Utley Howard Hurt

‘Pen started season Qualls’ed

Now No Phils this Fall

I’m not sure how haikus and odes relate to one another.  They’re both poetry, right?  Where, aside from picsofmeinfrontofstuff.com, do you look for poetry?  If ESPN can be the worldwide leader in sports, yet exhaust 80% of their energy on a sport only played regularly in the United States, then I am going to call PoMiFoS the blogger.com leader in Philadelphia Phillies related haikus and/or odes. 

Cliff goes 10 in loss

Doc hurt his lat in late May

Nats win the East easy.

It’s going to be a difficult Autumn without my favorite boys of summer in the playoffs.  Scott Franzke and Larry Andersen have been the soundtrack to my summer and fall these past five years, ever since I’ve had enough money to buy the mlb.com radio package, but too much frugality to buy the mlb.com TV package.  I splurged and bought the smart phone app this year…and still paid almost $100 less than the cost of the TV package.  No one in their right minds should choose listening to the inanity of Sarge and Wheels over the dulcet tones of Franzke and LA.  LA may be a big dummy, but at least he knows he’s a big dummy.  Listening to them 2008-2011 has provided a soundtrack to fill my summer nights.  At 7:05 the Fightin’s were on and it was time to listen to LA complain about the umpires.  Clearly, I’m biased and I say outside of Vin Scully there is no one better at calling a baseball game.  I’ll give the Mets TV announcers credit because they make for an entertaining broadcast.  They are far superior to the crap the Yankees pump out to their deluded masses.  Still Keith ‘No Play for Mr. Gray’ Hernandez, Ron Darling, and whoever the 3rd guy is can’t hold a candle to the men in the Phillies radio booth.  One positive of the Phillies not making the playoff is not having to listen to Joe Buck call the NL playoffs or World Series.

Franzke and LA

They fill my summers with joy

No Playoffs No Buck

The season started like it always does in December with the purchase of the annual 6-game pack.  The Gang and I have continued our tradition of the Phillies six-pack started back in 2008.  We even all went to Baltimore to see the Phillies play the surprisingly good Baltimore Orioles.  There was some inkling from the start that this season would not go as well as the previous ones.  T-Rev, the steady one in the group, normally procures tickets to 6 Saturday games for all of us to attend.  The 2008 tickets included Opening Day.  We’ve been to Picture Day at least twice.  The first two years featured large volumes of Jaegermeister and Miller Lite and more than our fair share of Bearfights.  Opening Day tickets are much harder to get now and the drinking has curtailed in recent years.  We’re all in our 30s, half of the male contingent is married and the other half is in some sort of serious relationship so the drinking was bound to slow down.  The 2012 edition of The Gang’s adventures did include some inebriation in Baltimore and Towson, MD but not much more.  Throw in the requirement of a Friday night game the day before and a midweek game and the opportunities for being ridiculous were severely limited.  Even before the Phillies season started they were really killing my buzz. 

A Wednesday Game?!

And Happily married too?

My liver’s thankful.

Our ticket season started on a chilly day in April down 4 out of 6 members of the gang.  The Official Parents and Baconlb filled as more than suitable replacements.

 

And the season started off well as the new skinnier Joe Blanton pitched well enough to earn a W and Jonathan Papelbon entered the game to ‘For Whom the Bell Tolls’ by Metallica and shut the door on the Cubbies.  Brian Dawkins even threw out the ceremonial first pitch to Jimmy Rollins following his retirement as an Eagle. 

It was a good start to the season that would watch the Phillies come close to eliminating themselves from the playoffs before the All-Star break.  I was with The Gang as we watched them lose to the Red Sox, Marlins, and Orioles in the first half of the season.  They drifted further and further behind the Nationals.  I missed a dismal loss to the Diamondbacks.  As a new fan, Baconlb was uncertain she had made a good choice in teams.  Even her favorite player as chosen by me, Freddy Galvis was busted for PED use and then fractured his back.

It’s Early August

We’re behind the New York Mets

This season is crap

As they have so often done over the past several years, the Phillies came alive in August and September.  Our Wednesday game was a success as Cliff Lee shutdown the Marlins and the bats scored enough runs to seal the game.  They’ve been here before I told myself.  The beginning of this recent run of success started in 2007 with a trip from 7.5 games with 17 to go behind the Mets.  The playoff romp in 2008 was made possible when the Fightin’s came from 3 games back to overtake the Mets again.  This was 2012 and the 2nd Wild Card was made for the Phillies.  Just sweep the worst team in the majors in Houston and they’re practically in the playoffs.  Yeah, except the Phillies have been owned by the Astros since 2004.  Whatever the Phillies do when they play Houston, they need to stop because they lost 3 out of 4.  That slowed down any playoff talk.  A sweep of the Mets including a 15-1 drubbing in Queens and a win versus the Braves helped to quicken the pulse of Phillies’ fans.  It set the stage for the 6th and final game of the 2012 6-pack.  With Roy Halladay taking the mound, the offense firing on all cylinders in a playoff hunt, and beautiful early fall weather, what more could we ask for?  Well, not giving up 7 runs in the first two innings is what we should asked for.  The normally reliable Doc Halladay got shelled in the first two innings.  It was revealed following the game (or maybe I read it after the game) he had felt spasms behind his shoulder area on Thursday, but was cleared by doctors on Friday. 

He doesn’t look so spasmy there…

Spasms hinder Doc

Braves score seven in two innings

Looks like no wildcard

But there was German dancing…

The Phillies highlights were limited.  Ryan Howard clobbered a ball into centerfield for his 300th career homerun.  Darin Ruf the current single season homerun record holder for the Reading Phillies also hit a sac fly for his first career Major League RBI.  And the weather was nice.  And that’s it.  The Phillies have been so great over the past 5 years it’s tough not to be disappointed with them missing the playoffs.  I’ve been spoiled.  Not douchebag Yankees fan spoiled, but still spoiled.  There are plenty of young Phillies fans who don’t remember when guys like Von Hayes, Juan Samuel, and Tyler Greene lost a lot games in the Vet.  There’s a reason they have 10,000 plus losses.  So 2012 ended with a whimper for the Gang and Phillies.  We will have to look forward to February 2013 when the Phillies head down to Clearwater. 

Twenty-twelve’s a bust

The Phillies can’t catch the Cards

Hope’s back in ‘13.

Philadelphia Phillies vs Boston Red Sox - Citizens Bank Park - Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Last Saturday was a day made for baseball.  When Abner Doubleday (or whomever) invented the game, it's the weather he had in mind.  It makes me think this is what heaven must be like.

Or Philadelphia, the home of the Official Favorite Baseball Team of Pics of Me in Front of Stuff.  Sadly, there has been little resembling heaven in the Philadelphia sports scene aside from that special day in 2008.  Scott Rolen, once the face of the Franchise and heir apparent to Mike Schmidt, was traded to St. Louis and immediately bashed Philly fans and referred to St.  Louis as 'Baseball Heaven'.  Having been to a game in St. Louis, it's hard to argue.  As a Phillies fan, I'd like to tell Scott Rolen to Go Fuck Himself.  Especially after what the Cardinals did to the Phillies in the 2011 NLDS.
With weather like Saturday's, it was easy to forget about all that and difficult to resist the siren song of the ballpark.  Also we had these tickets since February to see the Phils play the Red Sox.  Cole Hamels had already won game one of the three game series and the Phillies were on a 6 game winning streak.  Saturday's starter Joe Blanton, was a lesser light in the Galactic All-Stars the Phillies call a pitching rotation I was excited to go to the game.

Go Phillies!

After enjoying the weather, some beer, and the company of the usual gang in the Halladay Inn parking lot the baseball game started off on the wrong foot.Here's a dramatization of how Mike Aviles led off the game.

Ugh
Then Big Joe Blanton gave up a three more home runs.
Ugh.
The Fightin's fought back.  Freddy Galvis, Bacon's, favorite player hit a two run home run in the fourth.

J-roll and the Flyin' Hawaiian also drove in runs to work with the beer and weather to make the experience more enjoyable.  Sadly, Freddy could not come huge twice in a game despite my prognostications.

The Red Soz made some great defensive plays to hold off the Phillies all night and the Phils ended up on the wrong end of a 7-5 score.  It is never fun to leave the game on the losing end especially when it's the stupid Red Sox and their stupid fans visiting.  Eat a dick, Red Sox Nation.  Thankfully, there will be more beautiful days like Saturday and more baseball games to enjoy.

2010 Playoff Beard Watch - Beard-pocalypse

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright,
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and little children shout;
But there is no joy in Philly — Ryan Howard watched the last strike fly by him in the bottom of the 9th inning of Game 6 of the NLCS.

And that's the last playoff beard update you'll see in 2010.  Despite Roy Halladay outpitching Tim Lincecum in Game 5, the Phillies season ends in disappointment.  I watched the game in Louisville, KY with some Phillies Phans who just happened to wander into the same sports bar (Champions) as me.  A number of large glasses of the Bluegrass Brewing Company Brown Ale helped to dull the pain, but I know when I get back to Pics of Me in Front of Stuff Manor, the beard, at least most of it, will be gone.  I was hoping to parlay the abundance of facial hair into another Halloween costume. 

I was thinking something along these lines.

Thanks for the image.

Alas, my beard was never meant to last that long.  Just like the Cubs always say, we'll get em' next year!

Phillies 14 Cardinals 6 - Citizens Bank Ballpark - Philadelphia, PA

First, the really terrible news.
We were in McFadden's when all of this was going on, thankfully, nowhere near this awful tragedy.

Next up - less despicable news, though still terribly stupid.

Finally, the good news. The Phillies won. I am not sure who these kids are, but they were clearly at the same game as me and their video is a much more vivid description than I could provide otherwise.

My inability to recount a hot sweaty afternoon is partially due to the hours spent in McFadden's prior to the game. Also the video is featured because the adage that a picture is worth a thousand words is true. This is a video which is essentially a bunch of pictures strung together which probably makes it worth a few million words. Also, the drunk guy falling over is worth a few laughs.
They usually are.
Imagine if one was running up the down escalator.
And he did not quite make it up to the top.
And he sat down and rode the escalator part way down following his calamity.
Then he realized he sliced open his big toe because he was wearing sandals.

He might look like this guy.

His toe may have gotten bandaged up like this one.

His friends and him could have had bearfights following his trip to the infirmary.

They may have been served by this young lady.

Who knows for sure, but it looks like some of us had a good time.

Maybe I should ask Fensty. Fensty is watching!!!

San Diego Padres at Philadelphia Phillies - Citizens Bank Ballpark - Philadelphia, PA

Harry Kalas was not the voice of God, that was John Facenda on NFL Films.


Harry the K did replace John Facenda on NFL films following Facenda's death. Facenda was originally from Havertown, PA and attended Villanova University which made him a Philadelphia native. HK was born in Illinois, but Harry Kalas WAS Philadelphia. Sadly, Harry joined the Voice of God in heaven earlier this week. There are and were announcers more well-known than HK like Harry Caray and Vin Scully but they broadcast for teams that are loved among casual and dedicated fans alike. Harry worked in Philadelphia, a city that is collectively disliked by the sports world - especially the media. While teams like the Red Sox and Steelers and Yankees and Mets and Cowboys among others have prominent members of the media who clearly favor them, there are few if any Philadelphia homers. Harry Kalas called the 2008 World Series which Sports Illustrated and ESPN bemoaned that no one was watching.

Phillies fans were watching.

I was watching.

Sadly, Harry Kalas will no longer be around to provide Phillies fans with memories like this one.



With a heavy heart, I returned to Citizens Bank Ballpark to watch the Phillies take on the San Diego Padres. The first game I attended following Harry's death. Due to the vagaries of work, school, and computers, this was only the 2nd game aside from the nationally televised Opening Day I was able to listen to or watch. A memorial had been created for Harry at the Mike Schmidt statue in front of the stadium. A multitude of fans left notes and mementos in rememberance of the man who had called Phillies games for the last 25+ years. My Phillies fanhood ranges from childhood, but my dedication to the Phillies has only hit a fever pitch within the past 5 years due to living among several Phillies fans. However, I was still shocked and saddened when I read of Harry's death. I have spent many evenings since moving to New Jersey listening to the Phillies via mlb.com's radio package. Welcoming Harry into my home during the 4th inning of home games the past two summers brought the excitement and joy of the past two seasons straight to me. I will definitely miss him and his trademark 'Outta Here!' as the Phillies defend their World Championships this season.

Hopefully, Chase Utley and the Phils will continue to make memories like this one.

Outta Here!
We'll Always Miss You, Harry!

One, whiz, with!

That's how you order a cheesesteak. That is the only appropriate way to do it. Suck it up, eat the Cheese Whiz and the onions, and enjoy the greasy deliciousness of it. You are only alive once.



I went to Pat's and Geno's in Philly the night before my birthday. This was the night before I visited the Linc but after I watched the miserable Eagles-Ravens' game. I worked some of this grease off with a quick jaunt up the steps of the Philadelphia Art Museum. In case you are confused, I decided to forego chronological order and just post events from life willy-nilly. In a few weeks, I will be describing my high school graduation followed by my birth. Stay tuned!



My utter disregard for chronological order aside, below are some pics of me in front of the Philly Cheesesteak landmarks. I am not sure if I look more stupid or goofy in these pictures. Maybe it's mysterious, if you squint enough.

Who is this mystery man?

It's me, I just told you earlier! You should read the whole blog, not just look at the awesome pictures.

In case you're concerned I like Geno's better.

I am positive this will not be the last time I mention Philadelphia, this will likely be the last mention of my most recent trip. Fortunately, I am allowed to visit again as no digital cameras or landmarks were harmed in the creation of this blog. In contrast, cow's were slaughtered and then deliciously fried for us to eat.

Lincoln Financial Field

If you have been following along with the past few posts and not worried about the big issues like the terrorist attacks in Mumbai and Plaxico Burress shooting himself in the leg, you might remember that I recently spent a weekend in Philadelphia. You may have also heard that the Eagles lost the Sunday while I was there. You may also have heard that it was my birthday. You would not have heard that I got to tour Lincoln Financial Field, home of the last place Philadelphia Eagles. Or maybe you did hear and forgot. Or maybe I told you but you wanted photographic evidence as proof and looked at my blog. Regardless of whether you knew or not, I am telling you right now that I was there on my 27th birthday!


Here's the view from the visiting team's tunnel when noone is in the Linc to boo or throw batteries at them.





Here are Melissa and I on the grass we were not allowed to walk on.


Apparently, us walking on the grass can damage the turf the way 300 lb behemoths running on it cannot.


Finally, here's me delivering a press conference in the Eagle's media room.


So maybe the only members of the 'media' there was Melissa taking my picture, since I define member of the 'media' as someone who writes or takes pictures that someone else may read and/or look at. (She actually has most, if not all of the photocredits for the past few posts.) During my press conference, I tried to explain why I continue watching the Philadelphia Eagles even though all they ever do is disappoint me. My explanation sounded as incoherent as Sarah Palin's interview with Katie Couric. Sadly, I am a Democrat and Pro-Choice, so social conservatives will not be touting me as a possible presidential candidate...Maverick!

But in case you had not heard, I visited the Linc and saw its insides.

If you don't know, now you know...

Ben Franklin's Grave Instead of a Cave

Even with my favorite football team performing dismally the afternoon before, I found myself in Philadelphia yet another morning awaiting a Melissa-inspired birthday. It was my 27th birthday, why wouldn't I expect a surprise? Never one to shy away from odd 'trips' initially viewed on the internet I found myself recalling a post on O.T.I.S. that described a unique monument in Fairmount Pak, Cave of Kelpius. Melissa never one to shy away from going on these random outtings with me drove. Unfortunately, the directions I obtained from Google Maps and/or O.T.I.S. proved if not inaccurate at least difficult to follow.

We never made it to the Cave of Kelpius. :-(

Never one to shy away from finding an alternate destination, Melissa drove me from Fairmount Park to 5th and Arch Street to complete another of my odd blog documented compulsions - visiting the graves of famous people as seen here and here. Rather than visit a founding father of football, I visited the grave of a real Founding Father - Ben Franklin.

Here's me pointing out a young B. Franklin calling his future corpse Food for Worms.

Everyone knows, Ben Franklin said 'A Penny is Saved is a Penny Earned'. However, many people seem to think throwing a penny onto Ben's grave is good luck, action done in disregard to Ben's imperative.

Here's me ignoring Ben's advice (as well as the Law of Gravity by hovering horizontally) not once, not twice, but three times. Hopefully, that gets me 3x as much luck which I can then distribute to my friends and family.

The Mutter Muuseum - Philadelphia, PA

Everyone knows the cliché that a picture is worth a thousand words. Unfortunately, the Mutter Museum does not allow photographs or else this entry would be approximately 1.000.000 words long, minus all the reading that would entail. Rather, I will try to describe the contents of the Mutter Museum in a whole lot less verbiage.

It is beyond my comprehension why certain museums do not allow photography. From athe perspective of medical museums or exhibits like the Mutter Museum or the Bodies Exhibit, I would assume it is a show of respect for the deceased and the deceased's family. However, most of these specimens belongs to people who died over a century ago. If my great-great-great grandfather's gigantic bowel obstruction is found somewhere in the Mutter Museum, I would not care if someone felt the need to document it with their cell phone or digital camera. Hell, I would encourage it if only to spread the dangers of gigantic bowel obstructions. A wonderful thought following the gluttony known as Thanksgiving.

Speaking of the dangers of gigantic bowel obstructions...

This photo of Kim Jong Ill, the North Korean Nuclear antagonist, shows up on google when searching images for 'gigantic bowel obstruction'. If that's the case, they might be more dangerous than I originally thought.

Obstructions of the bowel aside, imagine, since I can not show you any pictures, if medical specimens were baseball cards and kids still put baseball cards in their bicycle spokes. I have trouble with this mental imagery since my parents’ generation was the last to do this. My grandparents were not willing to pay for collectible nostalgia like the generations just previous to mine and those since. My theories on nostalgia purchase aside, this Mutter guy had enough medical specimens to fill all of the bike spokes on the East Coast. They would be disgusting, messy bicycles, but I think my point is clear. The Mutter Museum contains a whole lot of medical specimens, vintage medical equipment, and paraphernalia. It was a sight worth seeing, especially if you had a student ID to take $4 off the entrance fee.

And naturally, here is a picture of me in front of the museum to satisfy those you stuck on the url for this blog.

World Champions...World Fucking Champions!!!

That's what Chase Utley said at the ceremony following the parade or as ESPN puts it 'Second baseman Chase Utley approached the microphone and proclaimed, "World champions!" Then he repeated the phrase, with a profanity between "world" and "champions," drawing cheers for minutes.'

I was there.

I had missed out on being present for the conclusion of Game 5 on a mere coin flip, but ever since the Eagles had made the Super Bowl almost 4 years ago I had promised myself I would see a championship parade in Philadelphia...if there ever was one. I found myself among the hundreds of thousands of people along the parade route in Philadelphia leading to the sports complex.

Unfortunately, those throngs of spectators also had to leave Philadelphia and I was stuck in city of Brotherly Love until well into the evening. SEPTA, you suck! Though I missed Halloween, it was well worth it because who knows when an event like this will ever happen again! Also, I sat in between the Joker and Minnie Mouse, both protrayed by dudes, at the 30th Street Station bar in Philly. That was enough Halloween for me!

Go Phils!

St. Lunacy in June....-acy

Phils battling the Braves; Phils in first place. Reminds me of when the Fightin's should have been in first place to stay. It was June and I was in St. Louis knocking Missouri off the list. Matt and Ben and I were in town to enjoy beer, baseball, and the Arch - the Holy Trinity of St. Louis.

Justin was with us as well, to serve as fodder for our incessant Mets jokes.

This was a surprisingly easy picture to take on the Friday night we spent in St. Louis. Bearfights will do that to a man.

Bearfight = jaeger-bomb followed by car bomb followed by inebriation.

Not surprising, our load was basically shot following those poor decisions. I did manage to see the Arch, but the combination of the heat and the hangover killed any ambitions we may have had for drunken debauchery. Some of us were more affected than others.

Luckily, I accomplished my twin goals of enjoying a baseball game and seeing the Arch in St. Louis!

Go Phils!

Phucked up in Philadelphia

Something you should probably know: Fear itself is afraid of Cole Hamels.[1]

The only good thing I can say about Saturday night was Cole Hamels pitched and the Phillies won and continued to win until they were tied with the Brewers atop the NL East standings. A feat initially deemed as unlikely by me and many fellow Phillies' fans has now come to futition – the Phils have tied the Milwaukee Brewers for the final spot in the playoffs. The Phils are also only a half behind the New York Mets and should the Mets struggle against the Washington Nationals, the Phils could take the lead in the NL East and embarrass the Mets…again.

But really, I did not choose picsofmeinfrontofstuff.blogspot.com to talk about the Phillies, I do that enough on myspace. This blog is about my misadventures throughout New Jersey and the rest of the world. Unfortunately, the last misadventure was a lot more MIS than adventure and so I will not go into explicit details as to the stupid things that may have gone on (read: stupid shit I did). To put it bluntly, I am normally the responsible one and I was not on Saturday. To my friends who were unfortunate enough to deal with that, I am sorry. Let's file this one under F for Fucked Up.

As for the famous or ridiculous, here's a picture of me with Ben, one of the poor souls who ventured down the unfortunate path of Saturday night, and the owner of the bar, Glam, in which our night went from mild fun to wild, blurry nightmare.

Note to self, though the drinks are free this does not mean I need to keep drinking them. That is probably the important lesson learned from that evening. That is going to be a mistake I do not plan on making again.

[1] Cole Hamels Fact No 10. Cole Hamels Facts.com

Wild Sweet Orange in Philadelphia

I started this blog because I am obsessed with having my picture taken in front of/with unique/famous people, places, or things. However, this entry contains no pictures of me at all. Still makes for an interesting story, at least to me.

Gabe, my co-worker, invited Kate, another co-worker, and I to a concert featuring Wild Sweet Orange and What Made Milwaukee Famous at The Khyber in Philadelphia on Thursday night because he was 'on the list' (OTL). You know those cool people who to get to go wherever, they are OTL. So by getting us OTL, Gabe was making us some of those cool people.

Wild Sweet Orange is small rock band from Alabama, fronted by Preston Lovingood. Preston's sister married Gabe's cousin so Preston is almost related to Gabe. Therefore Gabe had a connection to get us OTL.

Sweet, that equals free concert at The Khyber in Old City Philly.

So Gabe, Kate, and I journeyed to Philadelphia to visit The Khyber and listen to live music for free since we were OTL. However, when we arrived at the Khyber, at 9PM the designated start time of the concert there was no band and NO LIST! You can not be OTL without the L. WTF?! Since we had driven ~2 hours to get there we forked over the $12 to get in and drink some $2 bottles of Pabst Blue Ribbon (PBR).

Fortunately, while we sat and drank our PBR and watched the NFL game of the season Gabe spotted his cousin (for lack of a better description) Preston, mainly by his big, long-haired white boy afro. Gabe would not immediately introduce himself, but with some prodding from Kate, a veteran concert attendee, and a few more ounces of PBR Gabe stuck out his hand and introduced himself. Preston turned out to be a very nice guy and talked to us off and on throughout the night. Best of all, Preston told his tour manager to get us a refund for the cover we had paid pre-L. With the L and the band present, we were OTL and had immediately become cool.

VICTORY!!

Preston also hooked us up with some free Yuenglings, a small improvement over the PBR. Sadly, though Preston hung out with us, I blew my chance to satisfy my photography obsession by my own simple inaction. If he becomes a big rock star I will have to punch myself in the junk.

Overall, the concert was good. Both Wild Sweet Orange and What Made Milwaukee Famous were excellent bands and I plan on borrowing the CDs purchased by Gabe and Kate. Though we did not get home until 2AM on a work night, I would definitely stay out late to be OTL again.

Wild Sweet Orange


What Made Milwaukee Famous